How to have less negative feelings.

Most of us are familiar with talking about ‘good’ feelings and ‘bad’ feelings or sometimes we label them as ‘positive’ and ‘negative. But what about feeling neutral? 

One of the fundamental building blocks of coaching is that circumstances are neutral.  What is happening around us is almost always neutral, and it is only through us applying our thoughts to them that makes it mean something.  

For example, I have a client who was upset because her employer had recently changed some vacation policies that limited some flexibility she had previously enjoyed.  We discussed what was going on and uncovered that she was thinking: they are making it easier for me to fail.  She had associated the rest and recovery she got on her time off as critical to maintaining her high performance.  Her brain jumped straight from here is an email I read about a policy change to I will fail at my job.   

It’s amazing how often our brains take these big leaps.  You don’t even notice it until you start becoming aware of your own thoughts and looking to understand what is triggering your emotions.  

In this case her brain had made this situation very negative, very quickly.  So instead of trying to convince her this was a ‘good’ thing so she could feel better about it, we just worked on making it feel neutral.  

We looked at the facts. This was a policy that applied to everyone, not just her.  The company performance had dipped in the last two years, likely the CEO felt this policy would help improve the company performance or save the company money.  It wasn’t punitive, to someone it was a logical and considered decision.  Viewing the situation this way took the emotion out of it. 

It didn’t mean my client liked it. She still would have preferred the old policy.  But it did enable her to evaluate her job from a place of neutrality.  Was this still a place she wanted to work? Did she still get enough good things out of her job to want to stay?  And if not, then she could plan to make a transition out of a place of calm instead of desperation. 

If you are struggling with having negative feelings about work that you can’t seem to overcome, book a free session with me at https://www.kelseyseppacoaching.com/work-with-me.